Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Trying to belong

As an administrative intern, I am now allowed to participate in the adminstrators-only meeting that occurs every week in our principal's office.  As I sit through these meetings (which last about an hour), my mind is tugged in two opposite directions.  First, there is certainly a moderate thrill involved in being privy to information and discussions that were previously off-limits, so to speak.  But on the other hand, I feel an internal sense of awkwardness and un-belonging, especially when it comes to understanding the conversation norms of the team.

Specifically, I haven't been able to figure out when they are being serious or joking.  The topic might be the "importance" of an upcoming meeting, an assessment of whether a plan "worked" or not, or the contributions of a particular "someone".  Sometimes they are sincere, sometimes they are sarcastic, and I often find myself unable to tell the difference.  I focus hard on their facial expressions and tone of voice (much like the way my family dog looks at me when I speak to him) but it doesn't much help me.

None of this is a commentary on the value of the conversations--for an aspiring principal, these meetings are rich with information and insight.  And these (now) colleagues of mine have been nothing but generous in mentoring me.  I will only know that I've ascended to another plane when I, too, am able to offer an adequate joke about coffee, which is what they always do before these meetings start.

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